


The Fall of Man

by Sherlokicks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Bottom Castiel, Crying Dean, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Hamburgers, Hand Jobs, Hunting, M/M, Nursing Castiel, Olive Oil, Pie, Priest!kink, Priests, Protective Castiel, Shapeshifters - Freeform, Shower Sex, Sick Dean Winchester, Slash, Smut, Sobbing, Top Dean, human!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 04:16:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/807125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlokicks/pseuds/Sherlokicks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gen 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Service

_Gen 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat._

_***_

I was trying to keep just a typical Sunday ceremony as I do every single weekend, when a peculiar duo caught my eye.

The green eyed one sat in the first row, close to the altar. He was staring at me making me feel awkward. He gave me a wide grin when I walked across the altar. I tried to act normal and continue talking about the fall. Just the basic things about avoiding sin and fighting against it with virtue. The other guy approximately the size of a refrigerator shoved green-eye's side with his elbow and in response the grin transformed into a quiet mumble and a gutted scowl.

 

One older gentleman in the back seat had fallen asleep. On a Sunday morning. It was almost eleven o'clock. Other than that, the usual parish was present  _and awake_. -Four families  in order to plant the seed of faith to their children as early as possible, a dozen of old couples and and a few divorcés hoping to meet someone.

 

Only the guys in the front seat didn't fit into any of the usual profiles. They were... no, not godless, I don't like to think that about anyone attending the services, but they were... Out of the ordinary. -Both relatively young, good looking and they didn't seem to be frightened by the Lord. Quite the contrary. As I was speaking about the original sin I wondered what could have brought them to church and why today.

I wouldn't be taken by surprise if I would confront the one with long locks in some point of my life, if he happened to have rough time. Maybe he was the type who would end up in a church as his last straw if the life really mistreated him. Apart from that, I don't think that he would want have anything else to do with the church. -What I could deduce of the green-eyes; he didn't seem even that soft. I wondered what on earth had brought them here, under the roof of my church. I tried to loosen the collar around my neck a little and smiled warmly to the old ladies at the back.

 

In the modern secular world, the church didn't call forth as much people as it used to do in the 1950s. I was too young to see the time when there were still church goers. All the years I had spent as a priest there had been gradually less church goers every single year.

Maybe they were aware of that and these guys were the boost, the new generation that the church had been waiting for all these years.

 

It was the time of the eucharist. I was curious about the front seat guys. Not everyone comes for eucharist every time, they're shy or they don't now what to do, or something like that. -At least I like to think it's because of that. I wanted to know if they would come, sitting in the first row and everything. People from the back seats started slowly streaming in to a queue in front of me.

I started giving people their body and their blood of the Christ. A mother holding her child's hand had just passed when I found myself staring in the pair of green eyes. He smiled and the daylight filtering through the large window made his eyes spark.

 

He bowed and looked at me from under his brows.

”The body of Christ.” I said as I stretched out my hand to give him the piece of bread.

”Amen.” he answered and I placed the bread on his tongue. I couldn't help noticing how nicely shaped his lips were and how interesting voice he had, husky. Then I had a quick glimpse of his eyes, and then he was gone. After that the other guy, size of a skyscraper, and a bunch of other people came to receive their communion.

 

For the rest of the Mass I tried to avoid looking green-eyes in the eyes. I didn't want to come off as pressing or stalker-ish. It was a more difficult task than I could have imagined. I had never had the problem before. All the time I looked away I could feel his stare burning my face. I was pleased, but it didn't feel appropriate. I started to blush. I had no idea what to do. I was hoping that he'd attend to the coffee social after the ceremony so I could get a chance to speak with him.

 

He didn't come.


	2. Leave The Poor Devil in Peace

**”Man, what the fuck did you think you were doing in there ?”**

**”What?” I asked seemingly innocently.**

**”Trying to flirt with a priest?” Bitchface. Paragraph.**

**”I wasn't trying to...”**

**”Sorry, I didn't actually mean trying, because you _did_ flirt with the priest.”**

**Sam took big leaps and I had trouble keeping up with his pace.**

**”I did not flirt with that man in the altar.” I sighed.**

**”Fine. What ever. Just... Try not to... You know. Let the poor devil be.” Sam frowned looking more frustrated than for some time and slammed the car door close harder than acceptable.**

**”Don't you worry baby. He doesn't hate you. He'll pay for that.” I spoke softly to the car, soothingly caressing the roof before stepping in.**

**We attended to the Mass because Sam wanted to see people instead of sitting in front of his computer in the motel room. I would've preferred staying in watching anime porn. Sadly, I didn't have the heart to say no to his puppy eyes. -And now he was whining because I found something interesting from the church! Little brothers.**

**Maybe I did flirt with the priest. Just a little. It's not as if I had said anything. I had professionally done everything by the book; I crossed myself a billion times and I didn't even wink at him. He was freaking good looking. I could invent a several optional uses for him. He had sweet smile and he started blushing by the end of the Mass. I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't because the room would have been hot, because I was damn freezing in there.**

**Sam had been a little tense lately. I bet it was because he hadn't seen Ruby for a while and he had lost his prayer beads. Man, he would need to ease down that pressure. For the last week all he had done was snapping at me. Also he seemed bugged that we haven't had a real case for a couple of days. At first it seemed like we would have an angry ghost to deal with, but to my surprise there are still honest crazy-natural-alive-psycho-murderers out there. When you carry on doing this job long enough it sometimes seems like all the serial killings committed have something supernatural in them. It's relieving to find that sometimes the living people do shitty things too.**

**When we arrived at the motel Sam wasn't even willing to speak with me. He took his laptop, turned his back at me and munched a banana in silence. -Just... fucking awesome.**   
**I threw myself on the bed. I put my hands behind my neck and stared at the ceiling. Only thing I could hear was Sam's fingers manically tapping the keyboard.**

**For some reason the idea of the priest didn't leave me alone. There was something terribly fascinating in him. He seemed so innocent. Like someone from other world. To Sam's great annoyance; looking at someone has never hurt anyone. Even priests. (Unless you have laser eyes. Then it's completely different.) I decided to sneak back to the church again without having Sam sulking right next to me. Maybe I could ask I don't know... Uhh.. Spiritual guidance. Those bitches love spiritual guidance.**


	3. Confession

It was Tuesday. I had christened one child whose parents had used their sparkling imagination with the name. I have nothing against the name they chose, it was a good, Christian name. It was just sure that when they would call their child in from the playground they would get a dozen children around them with the same name. After the christening I had buried man who had passed away last weekend. The grave had couple of inches extra in width, since the gentleman had truly enjoyed the pleasures of American cuisine during his lifetime.

 

On the afternoon I was in charge of the visitors in the church. Part of that is relieving the burdens of anxious souls by receiving their confessions. I was about to close the doors for the day and go home, when green-eyes rushed in. I hadn't seen him since the last Mass, and I was surprised. I hadn't expected to see him again.

 

I turned to him as he looked around probably checking were there other people present.

 

”How may I help you, dear fellow?” I asked nicely. He grunted.

 

”Do you... uhh.. happen to.. uhhm... to have.. ”

 

”Yes?”

 

”Padre, I was just wondering if you could..”

 

”Go on.” The church had officially closed it's doors five minutes ago. My day was over, but I was too curious to reject green-eyes with what ever it was he had to say.

 

”Uhmm.. What's your name by the way?” he slipped. He was a strange one. On one moment he seemed so overly confident that he could carry on even if the world would crash down round him, and on the next second he looked like a troubled school boy.

 

”Castiel. I'm father Castiel. And yours?”

 

”Dean. Just Dean, no fancy titles.” he answered to my inquiry.

 

”Would you like to sit down and confess to me, Dean?” I asked him. Usually people looking that concerned urged to confess to clear their conscience.

 

”Uhh.. yeah, sure.” The fact that green-eyes, Dean, was so lost made me even more inquisitive than I probably should have been.

 

”Sit there in the confessional, I'll just lock the front door, since no one else's probably not coming in anymore today.”

 

”Okay.” he sat down and I quickly walked to the door and locked it. The lock made a creepy metallic echo in the hall.

 

I sat in the booth. I could see his silhouette through the griller. I heard him sigh deep. I waited him to say something. And I waited. And waited. Then I had to start the conversation myself.

 

”What brought you to me, Dean?”

 

”I was thinking about confessing, but...”

 

”But what?”

 

”I'm not sure if it's such a good idea. ”

 

”Why wouldn't it be?”

 

”I don't actually feel that remorseful. To be honest I've had quite a lot of fun sinning.”

 

”What do you mean, my son?”

 

”Uhh, if you wouldn't mind dropping that 'son' thingy, padre. We're about the same age.”

 

”Yes. Yes, of course. Forgive me. Just an entrenched habit. ” I shook my head. ”But what do you mean by sinning? What have you done? You can tell me and I won't judge you. That's what I'm here for.”

 

”Well... I drink, to start with. ” he mumbled.

 

”Many people have sobered. It is possible.” I tried to encourage him.

 

”I'm not even sure if I want to.”

 

”Aha.. Does your drinking harm anyone? I need to ask; are you violent? Do you get in fights when you drink? Do you... do you beat your wife? Do you hurt someone?”

 

He chuckled at me.

 

”I don't have a wife. Don't think that I'm the marrying type. I don't get in fights when I drink and the only one suffering from the habit is myself, which is just earned. The drinking is just a tip of an iceberg.”

 

”What else do you have on your heart?”

 

”I.. well.. I sleep around a lot.. That's one of those things church dislikes, isn't it?” he asked with a tone of sarcasm in his voice.

 

”Well, you aren't married... A lot? How do you define 'a lot'?”

 

”Well, last week there were Kim, Suzanne and Charlie, before that there were Melanie, Ashley, Nicole, Jennifer, Tiffany and Dan.” he listed. I raised my eyebrows. That was an impressing number of people. On the other hand it was no wonder if you took a look at him.

 

”You have been busy.”

 

”You could say so.”

 

”What do you, um... How do you...” I tried to ask what he thinks of it or how does he feel about it.

 

”Well, Nicole, liked it rough. She was a waitress at a bar and hot damn, she looked amazing. She had a short skirt and we went to her place, she started slowly stripping off her clothes...”

 

”Aha.. ” This wasn't quite what I had in mind, but he had finally began opening up to me so I didn't want to stop him in the very beginning of something purifying.

 

”... and then she jumped in my lap, and oh, the way she moved... She was everything but miss chastity, and I wouldn't mind taking that again. She was a dirty little girl. Do you know, she let me even... ”

 

”Hmmh?” I was flabberstagged, in the beginning tried to keep up a certain modesty by listening with just one ear, but then.. I needed to.. ”Really? She let you to... to..?” -Yes.

 

”Yup. But despite of that the best of the week was Dan. That one is my best kept secret, no one knows about that one. ”

 

”And Dan..?” I couldn't help my curiosity and I really felt guilty for that.

 

”I met Dan in one local bar. Dan worked there as a bar attendant. We ended up fucking in the backroom of the bar in the middle of a bright day. The beginning was really innocent. He accidentally toppled a pint of beer on me. The beer was everywhere and he offered to help me with cleaning up. So we went to the backroom and I took my shirt off.

 

He started drying my chest and joking that I'd smell like an old hobo for the rest of the day. I opened the buttons of my jeans in order to dry my crotch. He misunderstood my gesture and he got on his knees in front of me. He gave me a frisky glance and he pulled down my boxers and pushed my against the wall. He took me in his soft warm mouth and holy shit, he was good at linguistics. He played with me and teased me, and I was sure I would come as quickly as a firecracker if he kept on going like that. After I had gotten so close to the climax that I was almost coming in his mouth he pulled his mouth away, and started licking the beer off my abdomen. He got up slowly, and grabbed a bottle of olive oil from a counter. He lifted his eyebrows suggestively, and I was ready. ”

 

I should have said something. Instead of saying something -anything- I sat there trying to devour every single detail of his rough voice telling the story. The more in focus he described every single one of the dirty tricks he had done with  _him,_ my collar had started to shrink. It was a miracle that I didn't choke, thus my effort to loosen the collar wasn't very successful.

I could see a glimpse of those green eyes and their flaming through the griller. He didn't let my eyes go, but he captured me as he spoke. And his voice made me... Hmh. I tried to cross my legs to hide the bulge in my crotch.

 

”So. Padre, I fucked that man almost through the wall. And it felt great. No one knows about it. -Except now you do. I'm sentenced to hell forever, am I not?”

 

”What do you want to achieve Dean?”  _except to make me cum in pants_.

 

”Achieve?”

 

”By confessing?”

 

”Forgiveness?” He asked in response. ”Someone once told me that my sins would be washed away with couple of Ave Marias.  _Hah._  I try to believe in it, but really I'm not so certain.” he rolled his eyes. Even though it was a little shady I could see that much. Or then I have a wild imagination.

 

”Dean I think that everyone needs forgiveness. And everyone deserves it. You just have been mislead...” He seemed terribly uncomfortable when I talked about forgiveness.

 

”Ummhh.. Padre. Thank you for you time. This has been more than eye opening, but I think I should really go.”

Dean stood up and stepped out from the confessional. I felt the urge to follow him. Of all the moments in creation it would have been great if he would have given me a moment to calm down a little, because when he described his adventures.. My erection wasn't that flashy, but it was still showing. And I had no way of hiding it.

 

I tried to do everything but look down at my pants, so he wouldn't. Then for some reason he gave me a big manly hug and patted my back. I touched him. He felt my hips against his. I was caught red handed. Or.. crotched.

 

”Thank you, padre.”

 

He let me go, and I was close to the shade of a beetroot. I could feel it on my face. He tapped my shoulder and smiled piercing me with those playful eyes.

Then he just turned his back, walked through the ornamental hall, opened the door and walked away. Just like that he was gone.

 

****

 

**”Where have you been?”**

**”Nowhere.”**

**”What makes you think I would believe that you were in search for beer and pie for over an hour, when the shop is just a mile away from here?”**

**”They didn't have any pie.” I lied. Sam looked at me and gave me his best bitchface.**

**”Did you bring the bananas and water bottles?”**

**I laid the bananas on the table, took off my coat and just threw myself on the sofa with a bottle of beer.**

**”You'll end up like a monkey if you don't limit your banana consumption. There are other un-dicked foods out there ya know? ”**

**”Eat your pie.”**

**”Oh you bet I will.” Sam's tension had gone nowhere. Only thing slightly easing the situation was that we finally had a job.**

**The whole case was originally supposed to be a quick one. No complications. Just an ordinary shifter, nothing we wouldn't have seen before, one night case. But this was a tricky son of a bitch.**

**We had spent three nights searching for it's nest and trying to gank it. The bastard had slipped through our fingers like sand, every freaking time. Once is bad luck, twice is karma but losing the trail three nights in a row is just a fuck up.**

**Sam leaned over his book and opened a bottle with faint whiz. He was really pissed off. He had thought that it'd be a good idea to just start searching for public places in hope of finding the shifter.**

**What took me to the church that afternoon? I dunno. I just... I really wanted to see the priest again. Not that I'd be one for paying, nothing like that. I just wanted to talk to him, in case he knew something. I was just... Doing.. you know. Research. For the case. The priest could have been a shifter just as much as anyone else around here. -A good looking shifter, though. Just looking at passers by from ten feet distance didn't help as much as Sam thought. I told him that I was going shopping for food. I left him at the motel looking for stuff about shifter's nests and so on. It'd be much better to meet the priest alone. For several reasons.**

**I drove there and parked baby. I wasn't sure if he'd be there, or even that the church would be open. I was just trying my luck. I walked across the church yard and entered from the great double door into the hall. I almost walked into the guy. I checked around that there were no one else.**

**I looked at him, but I really couldn't come up with any good explanation for my visit. It was embarrassing. I tried to mumble something when he told me to sit down.**

**He asked what had brought me there. Even I didn't know. I saw a glimpse of interest and sympathy in his deep blue eyes. I tried to think; _why do people go to churches in the first place?_ Damn it. Confessing? Yes. Well. I had quite a lot to confess. I realized that I hadn't confessed since... ever. Not not priest, nor to anyone else. I didn't actually even consider my actions as 'sins'. Not the way religious people do. I only live once, so why not to enjoy the ride?**

**In the confessional the light came from behind my back. I could see him, but he couldn't see me as well. But determining by the way he looked me into the eyes I am sure he saw me.**

**He looked at me with his black hair was sticking out to every possible direction. I found it quite sweet. There was something very appealing in him. I told about the drinking. He didn't seem worried. Not the way I had expected. Then he asked me about everything else. I tried to think any sin I could come up with, so I could stay a little longer just looking at him.**

**-Sex. That's always something that makes church goers sick. He asked me more about it. I told him. At first I felt odd talking about my sex life to a complete stranger, but somehow it felt right. Not 'right' like I'd enjoy talking about it as an exhibitionist to everyone caring to listen, but 'right' as in telling to him. No one else. Little moment later I realized that he was trying to fight getting aroused. He seemed so innocent. He blushed and started looking away. It didn't take long. He had a full erection at the latest when I told about the bar guy, Dan. The secret I had kept from everyone.**

**Of course Sam knew that I had women more than there were soldiers in North Korea's army. But I had always hidden the men. Firstly there were much less of them. Secondly it... I don't know. I think I come off as relatively straight. Well. Maybe not the straightest guy ever, but kinda relatively straight. I'm not gay.**

**I knew that it wasn't supposed to go that way. I really didn't mean to mind fuck that man. _Until I meant._  When I realized his condition I started describing even more details and he crossed his legs and tried to loosen his collar. -The collar was funny. It was there manifesting that he was a man of God -somehow divine- but there I was. Sinning again. Confessing him dirty little details of how I teased the guy. He had made a promise of living in celibacy and I was purposefully persecuting him.**

**I realized that it'd be better if I'd go. The poor man looked troubled. Then he all of the sudden asked why had I come and said something about forgiveness. It was so weird. I thanked him for his time and hugged him tight. I wanted to feel him against me. A complete stranger. Somehow I felt like a dirty creeper for hugging. In a way I felt like doing the man a favor. Letting him jerk off in peace when I was gone. I wonder, is jacking off in a church a sin? I mean, it's not like there's a written rule somewhere?**

**Then I went. Back to the car, driving off to get bananas for Sam.**

 

****

 

I walked to the restrooms. The main doors were locked, so no one could come here anymore. My pants felt tight and I tried to fight the idea of everything green-eyes had told. I leaned against a sink and filled it with cold water and washed my face. I looked up in the mirror and I saw myself.

 

I felt tempted. So very tempted. I could feel the fabric rubbing against my shame. It felt good. I decided to not to do anything to it. It was wrong. I should just try to forget and… relax. -Yes. Relax. Try to clear my mind from the idea of green-eyes touching me with his soft rasping voice, explicitly describing how he moved and how the bar attendant moaned. I knew he did it on purpose. I hoped that I wouldn't see him again, since he didn't seem to be very good company.

 

-Actually that was a lie. I wanted nothing more than to see him again and to touch him. Hear him. Feel him. It would be heavenly.

I walked back to the hall and laid down on the bench trying to convince myself that I didn't want to think about green-eyes, but really all I did was thinking about him.


	4. The Crash

**We really couldn't find the shifter. Sam had a burst of determination, and he had decided that we wouldn't leave the town before the shifter was dealt with. So we stayed for another week. I had gone through all the sewers during the week, but I couldn't find the nest. It had to be there somewhere.**

**It was a rainy Sunday night when I had moved into searching empty houses around the city center in hope to find the nest. I had gone through almost the whole building. We had parted in order to find the beast faster. Sam was searching another building couple of miles away and he had the car. The earth couldn't have just swallowed the beast, because every day someone was reported dead or missing, and later their bodies were found throats slashed covered in something that resembled quite a lot of shifter skin.**

**I sneaked to the 8th and the highest floor of the building going through the abandoned apartments. I was disappointed because there was only one door left to go, and the probability to find the shifter's nest there was close to non-existent. I opened the door slightly, ready to shoot. At first I didn't see anything. I searched through all the rooms. I was almost giving up, when I saw the creature spurting through the living room into the corridor. I ran after it and I almost fell in the stairs. Damn it, the creature was a fast runner. We got out from the building to the street. The streets seemed empty that time of night. I ran and I ran. As soon as I felt like approaching the shifter, it just ran faster away from me.**

**I felt sharp pain in my side, but I continued running even faster in the blinding rain. I was catching that motherfucker tonight, no matter what. I took a quick turn from a corner to left with the shifter under my eye when it all suddenly went black.**

 

***

It was just any Sunday evening. I was just coming from a hospital, I had given an old man suffering from terminal cancer his last rites. I felt sad. I had been visiting him for his whole last year and it was now all over. He had been suffering unimaginable pain, but still he had thanked me with a muted weak voice for coming personally. Death is a thing you never get used to, no matter what they say. It is my job to give people hope for better after all things, and to say that it is going to be all right. I am here to calm down frightened people in agony. The man had no relatives, so he wasn't going to have remarkable funerals. Most likely it was going to be just the grave digger, the nurse and me during the lunch hour next week.

 

I was going to give him a good speech. People say that the dead can't hear. I don't think so. I decided to give him the best and the most beautiful speech ever heard on that grave yard. He deserved it. He had been so frightened, but when his last moment came he didn't feel the pain anymore. I sat there beside his bed for hours just holding his hand as he wished. I felt so bad for him.

 

I had never believed that God is an asshole for not dividing the suffering equally, but tonight it crossed my mind. I couldn't properly see the road when I heard a bump. Something hit the car. Seemed like a guy running across the road. I hit the brakes and jumped out of the car.  _Who on earth runs across the road with out looking first?_  There was no one around. Only the pouring rain. It was raining so hard that it was like the water falling from the sky was angels crying.

 

I walked around the car and found a guy laying on the road. He was unconscious and I knelt beside him and called him, no response. I took my phone and called an ambulance. He breathed and had a pulse, but he didn't seem to come to his senses. I took a better grip behind the guys neck ad tried to tap his cheek so he'd wake up. He was heavy to move. He was wearing a soaking wet army jacket. I turned his head, and detected a cut on his eyebrow bleeding on his face.

 

I tried to wipe the blood away from his eyelid, when I realized it. I had hit green-eyes. I took him better on my arms and started rocking him back and forth. I couldn't stop. I sat in the middle of the road in pouring rain with green-eyes on my arms and helplessly rocking him back and forth like a hurt child. I pressed him against my chest. He was warm but wetter than a washing cloth.

 

I sank my face in his hair and suddenly he moved. I blenched. He opened his eyes, tilted his head and looked at me. He frowned and I loosened my grip awkwardly.

 

”Hey” I said quietly.

 

”Hello again” he looked at me and smiled lightly

 

”How are you?”

 

”Not that bad actually”

 

He was in my arms not making a move to get up. I pressed him harder against my chest awkwardly.

 

”The ambulance is coming”, I told as the medics arrived.

 

We got up from the road. We were both wet. I helped him to the back of the ambulance for a quick check before taking him to the hospital. I told him that I'd park my car quickly and come with him.

 

I sat in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital and he laid on the stretcher. I held my hand on his cheek trying to comfort him. The other paramedic looked me accusingly when I slowly dripped water in the bandage box that was on the floor next to the seat.

 

When we got to the hospital it didn't take more than twenty minutes after the doctor had checked him. Surprisingly he hadn't got any broken bones or a concussion or anything alike. Just some cuts and bruises, but apparently he'd be fine to go. He had survived with just a fright.


	5. Caretaker

He didn't speak much and he seemed really tired. I stayed with him the whole time. He recovered quickly as we waited. Doctors and nurses ran around. It was as if he was used to get beaten that hard. We were free to go after I had filled the insurance form and a nurse had stitched his eyebrow. I supported him as he limped through the lobby. In front of the hospital we stopped under the shelter. There was a middle aged woman smoking and speaking loudly to her phone.

”Do you think you'll manage the night?” I asked.

”I always manage.”

”I was just thinking.. We could share a taxi. ” I suggested.

”Thanks.” he nodded.

”I really feel terribly bad for this, and I wish I could make it up to you somehow. ”

”Hmmh?”  
”Would you mind sleeping at my place tonight? I mean.. I could watch over you and help nursing the wounds and bruises and so on. I could also help with the painkillers and cook something, you probably haven't eaten tonight? ” I felt terribly guilty and I wanted to help in any way I possibly could.

”Ehh.. That sounds.. Very nice of you. Thank you”

”I hit you with a car. It's the least I can offer. ” I smiled sadly.

The taxi came and we stepped in. I gave the driver my address and he started driving through the rain.

”I need to make a call, if you don't mind. My brother likes to know that I'm alive.” he grunted

”By all means.”

He dug a phone out from his pocket and chose a number.

”Sammy? Yeah, it's me, ... I almost got the son of a bitch, but it escaped. ... I'm okay. ... I'm not lying. ... I'm.. eehhmmh... I got a place to spend the night, so we'll see tomorrow. .. Shut up. Bitch. .. Hmmh.. Night.”

He laid the phone down in his lap and was about to stretch himself to a more comfortable position in the backseat, but then he groaned of pain. I gave him a worried look, but he just smiled back with a ”I can handle this” -look in his eyes. It took about ten minutes to drive to my place since there wasn't that much of traffic. He fell in sleep at the backseat of the taxi. Either the painkillers were finally hitting on his consciousness or the shock had finally passed.

I helped him to limp to the fifth floor and he seemed a little blurry under the strong painkillers he had gotten from the hospital. He leaned on to my shoulder as I opened the door, and helped him in. He was sleepy and after I had taken off my old wet trench coat I tried to help him off with the wet clothes.

After I had managed to tear off his wet boots and the army coat I half carried him to the bedroom. I helped him to sit down on the bedside.

”We need to get you out of those wet clothes, so that you won't catch a cold because of me.”

”Aaha. ” he stared at me with large green bambi eyes. He was so high.

”Do you manage or do I help?” I asked as I took out a dry t-shirt and a dry pair of boxers that I thought could fit him, since he was probably at least one clothing size bigger than I was. He looked at me wearily.

”Would you mind helping?”

”Not at all.” I answered and took couple of steps closer to him. He helped me helping to take off his plaid shirt, and then he just raised his hands and waited me to pull off his wet t-shirt. I took it, but it got stuck to his head. I tried to remove it, careful not to rip the stitches on the eyebrow. He had his jeans glued to his skin by the water and I had difficulties with opening the button when the fabric wasn't as soft as it would have been dry. I took off the socks, and started to collect the wet clothes from the floor.

He stood unsteadily there wet in his white boxers in front of my bed trying to get support from the headboard. He was barely conscious. In the name of modesty I thought that he could take off his own boxers, but after the suffering and begging look he gave me, I laid the heap of clothes on the bed and took off the boxers as well. He sat down on my bed not saying a word.

”Wait a second, we'll dry you up and get you some dry clothes” I told gently, not sure if he heard me. I took the pile of wet clothes to the bathroom and dropped them in front of the washing machine. I grabbed a fresh towel and rushed back to the bedroom. He hadn't moved an inch and he still just sat on the bedside, naked as the day he has been born staring emptily at the opposite wall.

He glanced at me as I stepped in. I handed the towel towards him but he didn't make a gesture to catch it. I myself was still soaking wet, but I went and sat beside him starting to systematically dry him. He acted like a child after a bath, not resisting, trying to help a little. I dried him carefully from head to toe and then I put the towel away. He looked like a content little baby. He didn't smile or talk, but something in his eyes said that he liked that I took care of him. Then I helped my old t-shirt and boxers on him. I half lifted him up, so I could un-make the bed. Then I tucked him in.

I stood beside the bed and looked at him. He was absolutely dazed.

”Do you hurt somewhere?”

”No..”

”Are you hungry?”

”I'm always hungry.”

”Do you want something to eat?”

”Not now, maybe later.” He mumbled.

”Call me if you need me, I'll be sleeping on the sofa.” I told as I took a dry t-shirt and a pair of boxers for myself and exited the room.

I stood in a long hot shower. It felt good, and I finally relaxed a little. I threw our wet clothes into the washing machine and let it run over night. I wasn't hungry either so I just fell on the sofa and pulled some blanket on me. I was so tired. I fell a sleep quickly.

In the middle of the night I woke up into muted shouting and cursing. I went to the bedroom to see what was going on. Dean had gotten tangled up in the sheets as he was wildly turning from one side to another. He was having a nightmare. I sat beside him and took a firm grip of his shoulders waking him up. He sat up without saying a word. He looked at me. I realized that he had tears in the corners of his eyes.

He looked so vulnerable. He just gazed into me. We sat there staring into each other's eyes in the obscure room for a moment. I wiped of the tears from his eyes and his expression changed. He seemed ashamed and looked away. I touched his cheek as I leaned over him. I gently stroked the stitches on his eyebrow. I was about to lay down my hand when he seized it.

”Don't let go.” He said with a calm seriousness.

”I won't.” I promised.

His lower lip shuddered and tears fill his enormous green eyes. He burst out into deep manly sobbing and crying as he collapsed against my shoulder. His whole body trembled and I tried to hold him. My shirt got wet again, but I didn't mind. He wrapped himself around me. The car accident, the cancer patient, and the pure sympathy for green-eyes moved me, like something would have touched my soul causing an incredibly great wave of sorrow to rush over me. I started crying too and I hanged to green-eyes with my life.

I felt his body shaking against mine. When he realized that I cried too he started rocking our poor little bodies back and forth. The way he hugged me felt good. I felt safe. I comforted him just as much as just minutes before, but I experienced something new. I was being comforted by him. Even when it felt that my sky fell crashing down on me, his presence made me feel better. It didn't cheer me up. He didn't try to make me stop crying. He did what no one had never did to me before. He stayed there and just held me. Quietly in the dark room he held me and rocked me, and we both cried without words. It was a peculiar sensation. In the same time I was terribly sad and all the pain in my life washed over me, but I didn't drown. I had him.

He had calmed down a little but I couldn't stop. He wrapped the cover around us and pressed me against him. He didn't say anything. I was laying on his chest and hiccuped a little. He stroke my hair with his hand. He was warm and his breathing had stabilized. He pressed the stubble on his chin against my forehead. He tilted his head and gently kissed my forehead. ”It's all right. It's all right. I'm here.” he whispered and held me even tighter. I pressed myself against him, and slowly but inevitably we fell a sleep on each other's arms.

***

**First couple of seconds after waking up I wondered where the heck was I. Then I remembered. The beautiful priest snuffled against my chest in his sleep. I studied his face as he slept. He was so innocent. So beautiful and .. a corny thing to say about a priest, but sacred. A ray of light peeked behind the curtains entering the room. My whole body was minced meat. I hadn't got a one spot that wouldn't have hurt.**

**The priest opened his eyes and didn't look at me. He looked sad and saturated with guilt. He moved his right hand and started stroking my bicep. I moved my head and sunk my nose into his black hair.**   
**”Padre?” I whispered.**   
**”Castiel. Please.”**   
**”Is everything all right?" I asked.**   
**”No. ”**   
**”It will be.”**   
**”You think so?” he looked up to me cynicism in his eyes.**   
**”Umm..”**   
**”How are you, Dean?” he dodged**   
**”I've had better days. I feel as if I was hit with a truck.” I answered truthfully**   
**”It was only a small sedan. And that is not what I meant.”**   
**”Aha. What did you mean?”**   
**”How do you feel?”**   
**”Feel?”**   
**”Yes. Feel.”**   
**”Feel-feel? Not like, you know...”**   
**”No, I am not talking about your physical condition.”**

**I have never liked to talk about my feelings. I always end up lying that I'm fine and spitting out a flat joke to avoid answering. Sam tries to force me from time to time, but it's not like I really could talk to him. I need to protect him the little I can. It's not my job to flood him with my problems. When Bobby was still alive, he occasionally asked if I was okay, but he just let me be. I liked about that. The best policy is just to bury the shit deep down and never talk about it. Hopefully you'll forget it someday.**

**Castiel kept seriously silent. For some strange reason I felt like I had known him for years. There was this weird trust I had for him, from the first moment I met him. He pierced me with his blue eyes. His black hair was fluffy and he in the same time he looked so terribly contradicted. With his hair and sleepiness he looked like the most adorable helpless little kitten ever walked on earth and still in his eyes was burning a fierce fire of a man who's world is slowly crumbling to dust.**

**”I.. I don't know.” I tried to lie.**   
**”Yes you do.” He gave me an disarming look.**   
**”Maybe I do.”**   
**”Tell me.”**   
**”If you tell me after that, deal?”**   
**”Deal.”**   
**”By the way shouldn't you be at work? ” I asked. I thought it's the basic rule that everyone's at work 10 am on Mondays.**   
**”I have Mondays off. How about you?”**   
**”I... uhh.. have very flexible hours, and it's mostly umh.. a night post.”**   
**”How do you feel?”**   
**”Sad. Anxious. Tired. So fucking tired. Worthless.” I spat out.**   
**”Why?”**   
**”My mum died when I was three. My father treated us like crap, he was never there. I never had a childhood. I basically brought up my brother. I'd do anything for him. I feel that in the end everyone gets a life of their own, and when someone dies around me, it's usually my fault. And in the end I am left alone with my job, bottle of whiskey and self-hatred. I am nothing. I just want to have a family.”**   
**”Family?”**   
**”I want to give a kid a chance to have a proper childhood. I want to do.. normal stuff, like barbecues on July Sundays. Normal nine to five job. Somebody to love and to love me back. Something so disgustingly normal that it'd bore anyone to death. I would love to have even a piece of stable life, and eventually it'd be nice to die as a bald and fat impotent grandpa to a blood clot or something like that. ”**   
**”Sounds...”**   
**”Terrifyingly average?” I smirked.**   
**”Beautiful.”**   
**”Really?”**   
**”Like.. one of my dreams.” he knitted his eyebrows out of confusion.**   
**”Why did you choose to be priest if you want something like that?”**   
**”Well.. I.. was young. And lost.” he snuggled into my chest.**   
**”Well, your turn; How do you feel?” I asked with sarcastic solemnity.**   
**He remained silent.**   
**”Castiel?”**   
**”Frightened. Sad. Safe.” he replied.**   
**”And what makes you uhmmh.. feel that way?” I asked trying to sound like a masterclass emotional talker. I felt his heartbeat, I felt him breathing. I wanted to hold him and to protect him. I wrapped my other arm better around him and started caressing his cheek with my fingertips.**   
**”Frightened because of you. Sad because of you. Safe because of you.”**   
**”I don't think I quite understood.”**   
**”I'm having doubts if I made the right choice becoming a priest. I'm sad, because I love my job. I don't want to break my vows. It would be a great pity to leave the job. I love my God. I believe in him. And laying here with you like this makes me feel safe. ”**

**I grunted. It was so freaking odd. If someone after one night told me something like that I labelled it as post-coital high, and ignored it. I had only slept with this man, but I didn't sleep with him. Not in that sense. The lack of the usual almost animal-like side of my new (and usually not so long lasting) relationships made this feel different. It was... I understood him. I really did. And what scared me was that I believed him. I didn't doubt a second of what he had just told me. For some reason I didn't need to. I sighed and pulled him even closer. Even more strange was that I really wanted to protect him from that kind of thoughts. I didn't want anyone to feel sad or anxious for me. I had seen enough of that crap.**

**I tried to roll up from the bed when I groaned. I hurt more than I had expected. Every-fucking-where. Castiel sat up looking preoccupied of my condition. He laid his hand down on my shoulder.**

**”Don't move. I'll bring you medicine.” Then he got up and disappeared through the bedroom door.**

**I had intended to leave before causing the poor man any more emotional damage. I did not mean to harm him. I wanted that at least something as pure and beautiful as him wouldn't be ruined by my fuck ups. Just as soon as I had thought of that he came back holding a little bottle of painkillers and a glass of water. He was wearing a black t-shirt and boxers. He was lean, he hadn't done anything to his hair, and his blue eyes were full of warmth and empathy. He was so.. pretty.**

**As he stepped towards me I sat up in the bed and he sit on the bedside. He laid both, the pill bottle and the water glass on the bedside table and he squeezed my hand gently. He smiled a little and he studied my face. He didn't seem to feel uncomfortable looking at me for long times in a row. Most people got awkward and uncomfortable, but he kept looking at me and it felt like he could see in my soul. See my pain. See the true me behind the mask of exaggerated independence and lack of emotions.**

**”You will be okay, Dean. I'll fix you.” he stated with deep voice.**   
**”I know.”**

**Then for a second the whole world stopped. He had leaned in to kiss me. He was gentle and he tasted sweet and fresh, a little minty. He hadn't had time to shave, and I moved my hand in to his neck pulling him closer and he was like melted wax. Then we slowly parted. He looked into my eyes.**

**The feeling filled my chest with warm sweet bubbling that I hadn't felt before. People often ask how do you know you're in love. How can you determine it? I never believed that I would have a chance to experience it, so I hadn't bothered my head with it. I realized that it was one of those things you just knew somewhere deep down. It was hurried. I hadn't known him more than a little over a week.**

**He brushed my lower lip tenderly with the tip of his index finger. He moved his finger tentatively on the cut on my eye brow. He gently stroked the skin around it and then he kissed the stitches. The light that leaked to the room through the curtains looked like his halo. I was unshakably positive that he had one. He was an angel fallen from heaven.**

**”You need to take the painkillers. Then I'll help you clean the wounds if you like. And you need to shower.” he started fuzzing with the cap of the bottle.**

**He gave me two pills and I swallowed them. Then he offered me a glass of water and I obediently drank some.**

**”Good.” He calmly smiled. ”Now you need to shower.” He got up from the bedside. I pushed the cover aside and I tried to get up. As I took the first step I fell against him. My left leg was killing me. The pain was just horrifying. I knew anything wasn't broken, I had seen the x-rays myself. But holy shit it hurt. He supported me as I tried to limp to the bathroom. Also my hip felt like it had been smashed by a rhino. I couldn't stand. I tried to hang on the door frames, trying not to faint on the floor because I wasn't sure if I could get up after that.**

**Castiel noticed that I had troubles with standing. ”Is there anything I can do for you?” he asked as he helped me sitting on the edge of the bathtub.**   
**”Gosh this is degrading. Man, could you... ummh... help me?”**   
**”Just tell me how.”**   
**”With like.. everything. I fell quite roughly and my whole right side is useless.”**   
**”So you want me to...” he gestured trying to point me from my head to the toe with his hand.**   
**”Wash me.” I nodded. I almost begged a little. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to stand and wash myself. And now I was asking a dude who I just met to wash me. Thou shalt love thy fellow man and so on. Somehow I knew that he wouldn't decline, but he wouldn't offer it either if I didn't ask.**   
**”Okay.” He smirked with amusement in his voice.**   
**”Awesome.” I sighed and rolled my eyes.**

***

He asked me to wash him. I had almost carried him to the bathroom, and I had been wise enough to anticipate that he couldn't wash himself. Secretly I had wished him to ask for me to help. When he did, I couldn't hide how pleased I was. He wanted me to touch him. He trusted in me. He sat there looking a little pathetic, wearing a too small pair of white boxers and a white t-shirt. I could see a large wound on his knee, and a massive dark bruise on the outer thigh. No wonder he had troubles moving.

He took off the t-shirt and handed it to me. I put it aside and tried to avoid staring at him as he stripped his boxers. I nonchalantly threw my clothes on the same pile with his. He had stepped in the bath tub and I followed him. He leaned against the wall as I turned the water on.

”Holy fuck it's cold!” he squealed as the water started streaming out from the shower.  
”Just a moment,” I tried to console him as I felt his hip pressing against my rear. I shivered and tried to keep on talking ”it takes a couple of seconds to warm up.”

Finally the water had warmed up and I turned around holding the hand shower. The pressure was high and the almost boiling hot water felt good against the skin. First I doused his hair, and then mine. I took a bottle of shampoo and poured some on the palm of my hand. At first I was really careful, I wouldn't splash any on his face, but soon it was all around and he didn't seem to matter. I rubbed carefully the shampoo in his scalp. His facial expressions were cat-like.  
He murmured as I was rubbing the back of his head with the shampoo.  
Every now and then he took a better position against the wall. I quickly shampooed my hair. I rinsed out the shampoo from both of our heads.

I had never felt comfortable naked with anyone. One of the reasons I became a catholic priest was the fact that I didn't need to start explaining my personal dislike of excessive physicality to anyone, when living in publicly vowed celibacy. It's not that I wouldn't want sex. I do. But I had never found anyone I would have felt comfortable with. No one I could have trusted. No one who would have made me feel safe. I was nineteen and about to try. The girl was couple of years older than I was, and we were both extremely drunk. I didn't know her more than I knew anyone else in that bar. The girl acted like a cheap hooker. She dragged me into a seedy motel room, took all she wanted from me and left the room. I was left alone in the bed feeling dirty and wrong.

I took some shower gel ad started rubbing it on Dean's chest.  
”Smells like you.” he commented with a sly smile in the corner of his lips.  
”Hmmh?”  
”All.. pines and rain.”  
The room was filled with steam and the hot damp air smelled like the shower gel. I washed Dean's armpits and after that I moved my both hands into his back. I didn't turn him around, but I pressed our bellies together and reached his spine. I moved my hands slippery of the gel slowly around his back and finally moved down touching his ass. By that time I could already feel his erection against my abdomen. He pressed his nose against my neck and bit me lightly. I brought my other hand back to the front and carefully moved it on his crotch. I felt his warm breathing on my neck and I gripped his dick in my fist. It was hot and hard. He groaned a little and that time it was out of pleasure, not pain. I started moving my hand up and down, until he started thrusting his hips into my fist. I didn't let go even when I felt warm squirt on my thigh. He was meant to be mine. I knew it. It felt right, not dirty, but something that was meant to happen. It had nothing wrong in it. I pulled him closer to me, and he adjusted to my movements and we were so close that we could feel even each other's slightest movements. I could feel his elevated pulse through the skin of his neck and he was still slightly gasping for air. I whispered into his ear:

”You're mine.”

He didn't reply, but moved his healthier hand and groped my ass. I couldn't help but chuckle. I turned off the shower.

”Lets dry you up, and see what we can do to those wounds, okay?” I suggested. He gave me an adoring look and we stepped out from the bathtub. He leaned against me as I wrapped a towel around his shoulders and helped moving him back to the bedroom.

We laid there, stark naked on the bed. I had thrown the towel on the floor. He laid on his back looking at me, as I gently brushed up and down his tummy with the back of my hand. Suddenly he coughed a little.

”Hmmh?” I looked up from his belly button into his eyes. I had opened the curtains, and in the noon light I could see all the slight wrinkles around his eyes. He had freckles on his cheeks and nose. He looked like someone who had been through a lot. For some reason he still had something untouched in him, I could see it. He wasn't impenitent. Almost childlike smile of happiness flickered in the corners of his mouth.

”I'll go get some disinfectant, cotton, and the cream the doctor gave you.”  
”Okay”

When I came back to the bedroom Dean was on phone.

”So you caught it? Well, that isn't good news, that's great news! Yeah.. Yeah.. Okay.. Uh.. Nowhere. Nowhere. Don't start bitching me. I can take care of myself..... I had a slight umm... car accident. I'm.. what they call it.. recovering. -Yes. -No, no, no, not in a hospital. What happened..? I.. I'll explain better later. But I don't think that I'm getting there anytime soon... ”

I walked to him and gestured him to give the phone to me. He knitted his eyebrows for a millisecond but gave the phone. I took my best ”trust me I'm a professional” tone

”Hello. -Yes I am his... ” I looked at him and added quickly ”..doctor.”  
-”Yes, I'm ensuring that he gets only the best possible treatment -Yes. Absolutely, absolutely. I am sorry but I don't think that I have the right to hand over that information.. Hmmh.. I would say that his condition takes at least a week of actively passive rest. Ummh.. Yes. Have a nice day.” Then the guy hung up. It was his brother.  
I handed the phone back to him. He took it and placed it on the bedside table. I laid down right next to the phone all the items I had brought with me.


	6. God Works in Mysterious Ways

”A week?”  
”Sounds like a reasonable amount of time to me.” I said seemingly carelessly as I carefully climbed to bed to sit on his loins. I watched out for the sore hip. I think that I managed quite well, since he didn't seem any more in pain than the moment before.  
”And what is my plan of treatment? If I may ask, you holy angel of hand jobs?” He laughed  
”Well...” I smiled lightly back, leaned over him.  
”I thought we could possibly try a couple of treatments still in state of testing.. And I'm using you as my guinea pig.”  
”Oh?”  
”Oh yes.”  
”And how did you think you would start?” He asked teasingly, moving his hand lower and lower down on my back.  
”Well, now that you asked.” Then I played it cool and grabbed a bottle of disinfectant with a straight face.  
”Oh man, you're dirty.” He smirked as I damped a piece of cotton with the disinfectant.  
I kissed his forehead and carefully started tapping the stuff on the cut on the eye brow. He frowned and grunted of pain. I kissed him again.  
”It will hurt only for a while.”  
”My fucking brow is swollen, tingly and on fire.”  
”I know, I know. It will get better if you let me help.” He gave me a trusting look and I moved to take a look on his knee. It was bad. I repeated the procedure as quickly as I could trying not to cause him any more pain than absolutely necessary.

”So you're into S'n'M?” He groaned as I put away the cotton pad.  
”If you are” I whispered into his ear as I was leaning over him to reach the cream bottle.  
”Oh my God, you really are a dirty, dirty, man. Kinky son of a bitch.” he grinned.  
”And all at your disposal.” I smirked back. ”Okay. This one is for the bruises.” I raised my eyebrows and informed him about the next step.  
I started rubbing the cold cream on the hot and swollen bruises.  
”Unnf.”  
”I'm sorry”  
”Why does it always have to be so damn cold?”  
”God works in mysterious ways.”  
After I had dealt with the greatest bruise on his hip first, I moved onto his side and shoulder. I put away the tube, and grabbed the towel I had thrown on the floor, cleaning the excess cream from my hands to it.

”I'll go take the clothes out from the washing machine.”  
”Okay.”  
”I washed your clothes too.”  
”Oh?”  
”They were all wet. I thought it would be you know.. nicer.”  
”Thanks.”  
”You're welcome.” I told him and took a pair of red and white y-fronts from the wardrobe and walked to take care of the laundry.

I had been right. It didn't matter that I stuck my black shirt and trousers in the same load with his navy blue shirt, t-shirt and jeans. I hanged the clothes quickly and sneaked to kitchen.

”I've understood that one is supposed to feed one's pets. You must be hungry. I was thinking about making something to eat.” I shouted back to Dean at bedroom.  
”I'm starving, bro.” he answered me.  
”What would you like to eat?”  
”Do you happen to have pie?”  
”No.”  
”Okay. I guessed it, just tried my luck. What do you have? ”I opened the fridge door.  
”Ummh... ketchup. Mustard.”  
”Promising. You must be a wizard at kitchen. Like.. a real Gandalf class-chef. ”  
”I did not understand your reference.” I noted. I shoved my head deeper in the fridge ”And then there's this suspicious piece of blue cheese... I wouldn't bet that it's supposed to be that blue.”  
”What do you eat to.. you know, to live?”  
”There's an amazing hamburger place next door.”  
”Hamburgers?” He looked at me dubiously when I walked to the bedroom and leaned against the door frame.  
”You should try them.” I tried to convince him.  
”So... hamburgers it is?” he lifted his brow.  
”Absolutely.”


	7. The Fall

I had spent four days nursing him. He had recovered quickly and finally he could walk. He slept the days I spent at work, and then we stayed up the nights together. I had never imagined how calming it would be to have someone to share a bed with. I enjoyed about the fact that the bed was warm when I entered it, and I liked about the way Dean wrapped his arms around me every single night. I loved to feel his breath in the back of my neck.

 

I came home on Friday night after a boring day at work. No one had died, no one had born, no one was married, and no one had anything to confess. Either my parish had been very good this week, or they had just become lazy.

 

Dean was fast asleep in the bed. I hadn't yet changed my clothes, when I sat next to him on the bedside.

 

”Hello, sleeping beauty.” I gently kissed his forehead. The injured brow was much better and the bruises had healed with speed.

 

He muttered something and smiled without opening his eyes. He had pulled the cover up to his ears and he looked like a small hibernating mammal.

 

”You are sweet.” I whispered in his ear and he finally opened his eyes. He looked at me wearily. He opened the cover and pulled me in with him. We laid there in silence for some time, just feeling the heat of each other's bodies. I enjoyed being there, but the collar isn't exactly my number one choice of clothing for free time. It itches.

 

”I really need to change.” I apologized as I crawled out from the bed. He held my waist trying to keep me in the bed. He was strong. When I finally had wrestled myself out from his tight grip, I breathed heavily and my hair had started a life of it's own again. Dean's upper body was hanging out of the bed and he smirked as he looked at me.

 

”You're hot.”

 

”I keep your in depth analysis on my body temperature in high regard.”

 

”Ha. Ha. Really. That collar...” he nodded at my neck.

 

”What about my collar?”

 

”You're true Father-What-A-Waste. It's trying to tell the world that you're a really good boy. -Better than all the other's when really you're like the rest of us. Just a little more divine. And off limits.” He got up from the bed wearing only boxers. He stepped so close to me, that his nose almost touched my cheek.

 

He took a couple of steps and soon he stood right behind my back. Reaching his arms around my waist he pressed his nose against my temple. His lips brushed my ear and I could feel the warm breathing in my ear as he seductively whispered to me:

 

”You're tormented by almost unbearable lust every moment you spend with me” then he bit my earlobe. ”You think that you can control yourself.” He slid his other hand towards my crotch. ”You want to know a secret?” he whispered breathing in my hair.

 

”And what is that secret?” I asked after a moment of silence.

 

”It's just one big fucking lie” I shivered. He slowly but firmly moved his hand on my crotch. ”Every time you look at me I see how anxious you get by the thought. Every night I sleep right next to you I feel your every single boner pressed against my back when you haven't fallen asleep yet. You want to touch me and you want to be touched by me, but you strictly mind the rules you have sworn to obey. And despite of that you spend a shit lot of time doing the kind of things, that if they got out in to public we'd be screwed. There'd be a huge risk of misunderstanding, when it really wouldn't even be a misunderstanding. There is nothing to misunderstand. There's just us. Playing this idiotic little game bordering between okay and not okay. It's a lie.” I stood there saying nothing.

 

”Did you hear me, I said it is **A. BIG. FAT. LIE.** ” he took a deep breath grasping my tummy with the hand that wasn't pressing my swollen crotch.

 

”We're just acting as if it would be just two guys casually hanging out, being friends, having fun, you know the way buddies sleep in the same bed and give each other hand jobs in the freaking shower!” he retorted with low grasping voice.

 

I understood him. I really, truly, utterly, completely did. I had thought the same thing as he had. I felt bad for it. Every single word of what he said was true.

 

I turned around on my heels and kissed him. I kissed him the way I really wanted to. -Not a quick barely touching brush of lips, but a real kiss. I wrapped my hand behind the nape of his neck and pulled him closer. He seemed surprised at first, but then he answered with equal passion. He pulled back a little and pressed his forehead against mine. I pressed my mouth against his ear and bluntly whispered:

 

”Fuck me.”

 

First he opened my pants, pulling my shirt out starting to unbutton it. He breathed heavily kissing and biting my neck.

 

”Oh forgive me Lord for what I have sinned” he chuckled with a sinister undertone. ”Turn around, so you can see yourself from the mirror.” he spoke softly and I obediently turned around facing the wardrobe that had mirror slide doors. I saw how he slowly undressed me.

 

After a moment I was as naked as the day I was born.

”Don't try to hide yourself.” he breathed and pulled away my hands that I had been covered my shame with, taking them in his. He softly rubbed my shoulder with his other hand while simultaneously holding my other hand in his. I could sense him hardening against my ass. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He kissed my shoulder gently moving his hands to my waist.

 

”Look at yourself.” I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror. He pierced me with his eyes burning green from the mirror. He rubbed my tummy with his hand and asked ”What do you see?”

 

”What am I supposed to see?”

 

”Look a little harder” then he smirked, pressing his cock against my ass. ”No pun intended.”

 

”I see us. Naked, in front of the mirror.”

 

”That's better. What else?”

 

”I don't know. You're trying to prove a point here, and I can't see it. Please?” he looked a little disappointed that I couldn't see what he saw.

 

”Can't you see how damn beautiful you are?”

 

”Ehhmm..” bodily beauty wasn't exactly my area of expertise. I had never really paid attention to my body, and now he stripped me down and made me look at myself.

 

”Don't cover yourself from me. I look at your reflection and I see that you're... Extraordinary. That priest-thing has made you damn shy, man. I just want to see you. All of you. Shamelessly.” Then he bit my earlobe and stepped in front of me. He kissed my lips like a thirsty man after coming back from the desert. I answered a little awkwardly after what he had said.

 

Slowly he knelt in front of me leaving a trail of kisses running across my chest going down my belly. ”Sex is something..” he took my cock in his hand with a firm grip. ”...human.” He slowly slid my foreskin back.

 

He took my boner in his mouth and started with softly pressing the tender spot under the glans with his tongue. His mouth was hot and wet. He pressed the spot harder with his tongue and I groaned. He started slowly rubbing and sucking, while keeping tight grip of the base. I couldn't help but grunt. With his green eyes he smiled at my sensitivity.

 

He rubbed my foreskin against the glans and I couldn't help but lean against the headboard of the bed and dig my fingernails into the wood inside my fists. He worked his magic with his tongue. If as a young man I had known that sex could be this good I would have probably never became a priest.

 

My thoughts gradually shortened as he rubbed the sensitive spot under the glans and I couldn't help but to try not to shake and not to come yet. I could see myself form the mirrors and I knew I had completely lost the control over my body. I couldn't help but to tremble and when I came my whole world went white for a second. The magnitude probably measured on the Richter scale.

 

When I came back to my senses, Dean had stood up and he was leading me to the bed. I fell on the bed my feet still wobbly. I laid on my back with my hands wide open as if I was hanging on the cross. Dean climbed over me and sat on my loins. Running his hand through my hair he kissed me and I shivered. Perhaps it was true that denial wasn't the best way to approach life. At least not as long as the forbidden fruits tasted as sweet as Dean did. I felt his dick pressing against my abdomen and I pushed him down on the bed. He was laying on his back and I sat on him.

He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. ”Two seconds.” I told him as I rushed to the kitchen. He was left in the bed leaning to his left elbow.

”The fuck man?” he smirked with disbelief when I came back holding a bottle in my hand.

 

”Olive oil.”

 

”You don't seriously...?”

 

”Taking your confessions is very... educational. And for a certain reason I don't happen to own any lube.” I couldn't help but chuckle. He laughed a little and we ended up giggling with the oil bottle like a couple of teenagers.

 

”Well, show me what you got, big man.” He challenged me. I started massaging his dick with the oil. Then I oiled my ass, and gently moved on his hips. I took his cock and carefully sat on it. I felt how he filled me up with his being and I saw how his eyes opened wide open and his expression went blank. He laid his hands on my hips as I started to gently move back and forth. He grunted.

I spent a couple of first thrusts trying to locate my prostate. When I found the spot it felt crazy that one could have missed something so obvious. I started little by little moving more securely and he started to adjust.

 

He gasped for air as I increased the speed. He dug his fingertips in the soft flesh of my hips and started roughly to assist me with moving. He closed his eyes tight and breathed heavily. I could feel the sweat on his chest as I continued fucking him until he started to moan of pleasure. The helplessness in his voice turned me on even more and I wanted to get him to press harder and deeper in me. I took a section of his hair in my fist and pulled it.

 

”Harder.” I begged. I was almost there, only a couple more pushes of his cock in my ass, but I needed it harder. _H_ _arder!_ I felt how deep he got and I let out a moan I had never heard before. It was a high and savage noise from somewhere deep down.

 

I turned around facing to the doorway. ”Turn. Fuck me from behind.” I breathed out and he obeyed. He got up and pulled my hips against his. He forcefully pressed my upper body down and I could feel him getting even deeper. I smelled his sweat and felt how he hit the tender spot again and again. ”Harder. Harder, just a little harder.”

 

”Oh man, you're a dirty mouthed one.” I could hear him smirking when he thrust his cock so fast, hard and deep in me that I saw the light again. I could feel him continuing a couple of thrusts until he collapsed on me breathing heavily.

 

***

**I stared a single spot in the opposite wall for the next five minutes. I was lost for words. I had seen something in my time, but that was really the best fuck I had ever had. I felt like my mind was completely erased. Sex is the best meditation. My mind was completely blank.**

**At first Cas had been a little shy. When he got going he was a freaking love machine. I was surprised. I had waited for something more.. chaste, modest, plain... anything but someone who moans and groans to fuck his ass harder, or rode so wildly like a dirty cowboy.**

**I crawled to the other side of the bed and pulled him in my arms. He fell asleep on my chest like a small content child. I watched him sleeping until I fell asleep myself. We slept for some hours. It was dark outside. I woke up seeing him upon me. He kissed the tip of my nose gently smiling at me, drowsiness screaming from his expression kilometers away.**

**He stayed there for a moment until he laid back on my chest, tenderly stroking my left nipple.**

**”Do you know what?”**

**”Hmmh?” I mumbled rubbing the sleep off my eyes.**

**”I ...” he started with uncertainty in his voice.**

**”Yeah?”**

**”Don't run away. I.. I.. ummh..” Cas tried to form a reasonable sentence. He seemed to have all the information needed, but getting to the point was incredibly difficult.**

**”You what? I can promise that I won't run away and probably I won't get creeped out, not immediately.” I joked trying to protect myself from emotionality of the moment. He tilted his head and looked into me with those unbelievably blue eyes in the shady room. I felt his warm relaxed body against mine and I felt good and trusting. Home.**

**”I love you.”**

**My thought got stuck for a moment. It was like he would have hit me in the gut. I was dumbstruck. My finger stopped stroking his cheek. He was holding his breath and looking at me waiting for some kind of response. I finally digested the information after couple of seconds and answered to his look.**

**”I love you too.”**

**He sighed of relief and started chuckling. Then he out of the blue pulled me closer.**

**”Fuck! Oh, fuck me that hurts!” I frowned when a sharp pain hit my knee. Cas winced frowning with worry reflecting from his face.**

**”Shit. Was it me?” he had his eyes filled with apologies and his lips pursed. After a couple of seconds and a deep breath I had stopped swearing loudly in my mind.**

**”No, it wasn't you, I moved my leg too quickly and then your knee accidentally hit mine. It was my fault. I'm sorry.”**

**”Dean. You have nothing to be sorry for.”**

**”I have.”**

**”Don't” he said as he kissed my lips.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finished the last chapter earlier than I could have expected. Thank you for reading (again), and I truly wish you liked it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try to post the final chapter as soon as I've made the final changes. Also I'd like to thank kililoverss and straybeluga for being my marvelous betas. 
> 
> As you might guess I'm saving the slash for further, so, umh, you know... keep on reading. The final chapter will be up at the latest by the end of this May. It's a promise. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, comments are always welcome and don't forget kudos!


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